Thursday, July 20, 2006

When carrots are outlawed......

.....only outlaws will have carrots?

A 46 year old man has assaulted his wife with a carrot and causing her to lose sight in one eye. The accused, Roderick Vecsey, told the judge that the incident was a terrible accident. Vecsey said that he and his wife were arguing and he ‘tossed’ the carrot at her.

Now I don’t know how hard Mr. Vecsey tosses, but when I toss something, like the remote control to my wife, it’s generally a gentle toss as I don’t want to first, hurt my wife and secondly and almost as importantly, damage the remote.

I can almost imagine the two in the kitchen together preparing that nights supper together. A conversation was taking place about each others day while Mr. Vecsey was preparing the steaks for the grill and Mrs. Vecsey was preparing the salad. Then suddenly without warning, Mr. Vecsey noticed angrily how Mrs. Vecsey was cutting the carrots for the salad he enjoyed almost as much as the steaks. Mr. Vecsey has long been a fan of the short diced carrot in his salad. But this night, without any reasoning at all, Mrs. Vecsey was paring long strips of the carrot for a little change-up in the otherwise standard and boring garden salad that she had prepared every single night for the last 25 years.

It had been a long day at the factory for Mr. Vecsey who was a supervisor at the local plant. Nothing had gone his way and shipments were behind for the 3rd day in a row. His employees were slackers but they were about the best the little ole town had to offer. His employees were always making jokes about him and playing little tricks on him when his back was turned. Upper management had been riding his tail demanding that he get his employees on the stick and increase production to get those shipments out on time or he would be looking for a new job at Wendy’s. The long strips of carrots were too much for Mr. Vecsey. He was going to have his carrots sliced and diced and no one was going to tell him otherwise.

In what Mr. Vecsey described to the judge as a simple tossing of the carrot was actually a very accurate precision throw that would impress even the Bowie knife throwers of old.

How long before liberals start calling for the elimination of carrots from the masses or at best the rounding of the ends to keep peoples eyes intact? How long before we have to register and wait three days to buy pointy and possibly dangerous vegetables? Will supermarkets be forced to pre-shred all carrots?

Oh the humanity……..


Badbeans said...

A more likely scenerio:

Mr. V, a "between jobs jack-of-all-trades", was at home just as his wife walked in with the groceries. Going through the bags, he discovered that rather than his standard Budweiser, she bought Milwaukee's Best because her overtime had been cut down at the truck stop. Having already downed the remaining six pack of Bud and looking forward to his next case, his lack of beer impaired his judgement. In his anger for being cheated out of Bud, and with a burning Merit cigarette between his trembling lips, ashes flicking on white, sleeveless t-shirt that covered his beer belly, he decided that he would take his frustrations out on the dartboard hanging on the kitchen door. Confused and dazed, he mistook the carrot, lying on the counter from the recent trip to market, for a dart and his wife, who was standing at the door, for the board and threw a "bulls-eye".

Anonymous said...

I know this is outta context but can you look at this mate!
As I see nobody is worried about our plight in SA after we where forced to hand over to an Terrorist Government.

I thank you kindly

Anonymous said...

Can you also be so kind as to list this under your "Sites to See"..

I thank you Kindly!

Victim - South Africa

Wadical said...

It's amazing but this is not really too far off from what the liberal left is pushing. People kill people with guns, so the answer must be to outlaw and or heavily restrict the ownership of guns!...Yeah, that's the ticket! Only problem is, a gun never killed anybody....ever, neither has a bat, knife, shovel, frying pan, rolling pin, brick, rock, or rope. PEOPLE KILL PEOPLE, and will continue to do so as long as people inhabit this planet. The real "deadly weapon" lies between the ears. So, are we gonna outlaw brains next?

Hey, anonymous, I read your blog and I know of your plights. I condemn the confiscation of your guns but I must say it was difficult to miss the several "hints" you dropped that you're dissatisfied that Apartheid went the way of the dinosaur. If that's the case, I don't share your sentiments. Oppression is wrong, no matter what clothes it wears or under which banner it marches. Though your nation is dangerous and crime ridden, Apartheid's abolition was the right thing to do. Sorry if I don't snap to, click my heels and throw up a Nazi salute for you, dude, but that's just the way your site read and I happen to disagree with it's underlying theme.

Rebecca said...

UNRELATED Coment: Hello, I would love to hear your thoughts on what is going on with Israel. Do you think is related to end times/Revalations?

Auntie D said...

I know this isn't important but I am really enjoying your site!!! Think I'm just sticking with the sites that enlighten me and stop going to the ones that just perturb me.

WayneDawg said...

Thx Auntie...I ran across a site via a comment left on Wight Wing's..'FLipping Coins' is the name. This looks like it might be a pretty cool site when it's up a running.

Looks like it will be a site where the left and the right will be able to face off against each other in what the site describes as 'intelligent and civil manner'.

Should be cool to participate in that one!!

Auntie D said...

Hmmmmmmmmm okay gotta check it out! thank you