When carrots are outlawed......

.....only outlaws will have carrots?

A 46 year old man has assaulted his wife with a carrot and causing her to lose sight in one eye. The accused, Roderick Vecsey, told the judge that the incident was a terrible accident. Vecsey said that he and his wife were arguing and he ‘tossed’ the carrot at her.

Now I don’t know how hard Mr. Vecsey tosses, but when I toss something, like the remote control to my wife, it’s generally a gentle toss as I don’t want to first, hurt my wife and secondly and almost as importantly, damage the remote.



I can almost imagine the two in the kitchen together preparing that nights supper together. A conversation was taking place about each others day while Mr. Vecsey was preparing the steaks for the grill and Mrs. Vecsey was preparing the salad. Then suddenly without warning, Mr. Vecsey noticed angrily how Mrs. Vecsey was cutting the carrots for the salad he enjoyed almost as much as the steaks. Mr. Vecsey has long been a fan of the short diced carrot in his salad. But this night, without any reasoning at all, Mrs. Vecsey was paring long strips of the carrot for a little change-up in the otherwise standard and boring garden salad that she had prepared every single night for the last 25 years.

It had been a long day at the factory for Mr. Vecsey who was a supervisor at the local plant. Nothing had gone his way and shipments were behind for the 3rd day in a row. His employees were slackers but they were about the best the little ole town had to offer. His employees were always making jokes about him and playing little tricks on him when his back was turned. Upper management had been riding his tail demanding that he get his employees on the stick and increase production to get those shipments out on time or he would be looking for a new job at Wendy’s. The long strips of carrots were too much for Mr. Vecsey. He was going to have his carrots sliced and diced and no one was going to tell him otherwise.

In what Mr. Vecsey described to the judge as a simple tossing of the carrot was actually a very accurate precision throw that would impress even the Bowie knife throwers of old.


How long before liberals start calling for the elimination of carrots from the masses or at best the rounding of the ends to keep peoples eyes intact? How long before we have to register and wait three days to buy pointy and possibly dangerous vegetables? Will supermarkets be forced to pre-shred all carrots?

Oh the humanity……..